Career Advice for Women: Do Nice Girls or Bitches Win in Business?

Posted by Job and Career Writer in Women and Business

Should You Play the Role of June Cleaver or Miranda Priestly to Win at Work?

(Editor’s Note: If you are offended by the b-word, you might want to click away from this article. There are a few choice curse words within this lesson. You nice girls might get a little offended.)

Whether women should play the nice girl role or act like a bitch in business is a debate as old as time itself.

As an empowered career woman you want your own slice of Aretha’s R-E-S-P-E-C-T pie.

But, you don’t know as a business strategy whether you should unleash your inner female dog or let your nice girl run free.

As more women enter the executive suite in record numbers, I ask you, who wins in business: the June Cleaver, baking-cookies-nice-girl, or the Miranda Priestly, Devil-Wears-Prada-acting bitch?

As a career woman moving up the ladder, you decide to do a little research on the ongoing nice girl/mean girl debate.

Surely there are tons of titles to properly inform an inquisitive female business mogul-in-training, so you take a trip to your local Barnes and Nobles or a public library to research the topic.

Forced to peruse the bookshelves alone – because you can’t possibly ask the librarian or bookseller sweetly, “Can you point me to the bitches in business section?” – you stumble upon these titles:

Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office
Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich
Nice Girls Get Even
Nice Girls Do Get the Sale

or

Am•BITCH•ous,
The Girl’s Guide to Being a Boss (Without Being a Bitch)
The Bitch at Work
Getting in Touch with your Inner Bitch

And you’ve even heard about Omarosa’s upcoming sizzler, The Bitch Switch: Knowing How to Turn It On and Off.

Overwhelmed and confused, you don’t know whom to believe or which role to play at work.

Should you tie a frilly apron around your waist and act like America’s favorite mom June Cleaver, forever baking cookies for Wally and the Beav?

Or liberally spread around a healthy dose of fear and trembling like Miranda Priestly’s tough-as-nails magazine editrix.

Luckily I’ve played both roles in business: Miranda and June.

So I can give you a personal perspective on the nice girl/ mean girl juggling act.

But first, here’s a personal story to help you determine what role is best for you to play to win in business.,

As a child, I was sassy and fiery little girl who could easily switch between nice and tough.

I don’t know if my Creole heritage is to blame, but my ability to quickly change between Strawberry Shortcake and the Bride of Chucky is legendary.

My mother, however, thought I was too mature for my age, so at the age of five she executed a plan to silence the little terror within me.

Unfortunately, she succeeded in squelching my spicy disposition.

I became a “yes ma’am, no ma’am” steel magnolia that said “Bless their heart sweet Jesus” as often as I recited my ABC’s.

I grew up clutching my pearls and politely keeping my mouth closed when treated unfairly, when I secretly wanted to kick some ass.

This tamed behavior served me well in the schoolyard, but never helped me win as an entrepreneur.

The people-pleasing doormat I’d become sent these deadly messages to people:

You can walk all over me.
Treat me bad, because I like it.
I can’t set boundaries.
I don’t deserve respect.
I don’t know my worth.

Sending these mixed messages in all my communications was weakening my power as a businesswoman. And this behavior undermined my ability to negotiate and make more money.

I’d lost my ability to balance the ying and yang of my God-given sweet and sour disposition. And I was unknowingly weakening my position of power during important business interactions.

By playing the role of June, I was gaining friends, but losing the war.

I should have acted like Miranda and thrown disrespectful and non-productive people out of my office. Instead I was hiding my authentic self behind well-meaning Southern niceties.

Rather than make the sane decision to never do business with people who disrespected me, I was asking people with no talent, no morals and no results to hold hands with me and sing, Kumbaya, My Lord.

So should you be all nice girl like my former self or add a little bitch into your business approach?

In her piece, “Nice Girls Get Even,” Time Magazine editor Andrea Sachs, quotes a 2004 Stanford Graduate School of Business study that found “women who enact stereotypically supportive feminine behaviors may be liked but seen as less competent…”

Which behavior did you choose : liked or competent?

My answer is… you need to be a little of both in business.

Now you shouldn’t pattern yourself after my favorite raging lunatics: Omarosa and Janice Dickinson if you want to be admired and well-loved.

But if you want to be respected and revered you must balance your inner piranha with your nice girl tendencies.

Unfortunately for some – but hurray for me – my assertive and confidently sweet five year old is back.

My life and my business career are flourishing because both components of my personality are free to be. As for me I’ll keep baking cookies and wearing Prada pumps, balancing my inner sweetie and cold-hearted snake until the day I die.

But today’s working woman has a tough dilemma.

Should she only dispense a daily dose of kick-ass to gain respect?

Or as a diametrically opposed alternative strategy use her sweet-as-pie personality to win in business?

Before you respond, think long and hard about your own business legacy. Would you rather play the role of the demanding bitch that conquers the business world and takes no prisoners? Or play the nice and sweet supportive colleague who seeks harmony in all her business relationships?

Your authentic self will help you make the proper decision.

If you find yourself torn between what to call yourself, use my newly coined phrase combining the names of my two personal sheroes: June Cleaver and Miranda Priestly.

Instead of referring to yourself solely as a bitch or a nice girl, use Ms. June Priestly as you superhero name, it suits me just fine.