Let’s Get Fired: 5 Stupid Ways to End Your Employment
Explore the stupid habits of the office drunkard, jester, brown noser, equipment abuser and credit thief. Follow their workplace behavior and get fired.
1) Ready to get fired? Get drunk at a company function.
The entire company is assembled to celebrate 45 years of business success. You become friendly with the bartender and get a little tipsy. Instead of mingling and networking during the weekend function, the drunkard decides to embarrass him or herself with loud talking and lots of drinking.
Monday morning rolls around and you are now labeled the office alcoholic begging to get fired after your stint in rehab. There are raging water cooler rumors that you will get fired next week. Sounds ridiculous, but over exaggeration runs rampant in the office. Your alcohol-induced actions say to your employer that you have no sense of control, boundaries or appropriateness.
2) Let your coworkers help you get fired. Be the office clown, jokester and jester.
Making fun of people at work is a sure way to get fired. Unless you are employed as a full time comedian, keep the jokes to yourself. Comedy is best suited for professional comedians who get paid to ridicule audiences in Las Vegas.
Stay clear of pranks, whoopee cushions and juvenile behavior. Offend a popular coworker; the joke will be on you when you get fired for your foolishness.
Remember the rude bully at school who made you feel terrible as a child? Mimicking the behavior of the schoolyard menace will only make you a target for the get fired office police. Your coworkers will be waiting like vultures circling their prey for a chance to oversee your demise.
Waiting for you to get fired would also allow your office nemesis to giggle with glee.
The Brown Noser
3) Hello brown noser. Here’s a surefire way to get fired. Kiss up to the boss every chance you get.
In my third grade class there was a girl who raised her hand to answer every question; turned her homework in two days early and begged to spy on the other children as the hall monitor. My private school classmates systematically sabotaged her success outside of the class, because she was the teachers pet.
The office playground is no different.
You might be the boss’ favorite, but no man is an island. You must collaborate with other people to guarantee success. Should you be a workplace superstar? Yes.
But to isolate yourself from the protection of your peers will ensure that when you make a future mistake, you will have no allies. If you don’t adjust your attitude you will surely get fired. Either your boss will fire you once he/she gets tired of the false flattery or your coworkers will help you get fired to even the score.
The Equipment Abuser
4) Let’s get fired by abusing office email, internet and equipment.
As an employee expensive equipment and special privileges are issued. To increase your productivity computers, cell phones and internet access are necessary tools to complete tasks associated with your position. Texting friends, surfing pornographic sites and typing your ideal romance novel is stupid and disrespectful to the company.
Did you forget? Your office enemies want you to get fired. Any incriminating evidence can help their cause. The IT department is probably watching for inappropriate email, phone or internet behavior as well.
The Credit Stealer
5) Get fired for stealing credit from your colleagues.
Worse than the brown noser, jokester, drunkard and the internet abuser is the credit thief. Lurking around the office for any opportunity to steal the shine from any star. This despicable character takes credit for the great proposal, sales call or genius idea without consideration for their victim.
This insecure and vicious sniper uses closed door conversations with the boss to get ahead. But some credit stealers are so sneaky that it’s difficult to determine their covert crimes.
Beware of these five stupid office behaviors. A smart employee will avoid these career-ending activities. A smart employer will make certain that these morale killers get fired without hesitation.